Category Archives: News

Elf Saga News!

How is the all-woman, all-awesome fantasy series Elf Saga doing? Pretty darn good! The reviews for DOOMSDAY are all raves, except from one individual who did not want to read about gay elf women, so I’d call that a pretty clean sweep.

What’s next for Elf Saga?

This month you’ll be seeing the next volume, Elf Saga: BLOODLINES! Set 33 years after DOOMSDAY, this book brings together the next generation of heroines with long pointy ears. Meet Lozen’s daughter, who inherited the amazing powers of the Jaguar Knight, and is desperate to get rid of them before they kill her! Meet Niya’s and Nadira’s daughter, who is just adorable, though often inappropriate. And meet Amina’s daughter, who turned out to be a bit of a jerk, but in her defense it’s mostly because she’s dying. She’s also pregnant. So cut her some slack!

They team up with a charming Tenjian treasure hunter and a mysterious sailor from the southern isles (no, not where Prince Hans came from) to find an ancient lost city (every fantasy world has one) so they can save themselves from their parents’ mistakes, and maybe get rich and famous along the way.

But the fun won’t end there, because Elf Saga truly is a saga, and I’m already deep into Volume 3: The SEQUELING!

More as it develops.

ELF SAGA – post a review, get it free!

A quick and easy offer, folks.

Step 1: Head to Amazon and get ELF SAGA: DOOMSDAY (Part One) for free.

Step 2: Read it, love it, and post a review on Amazon. (Reader Maddie just posted that it is a “great read. I can honestly say, I’ve got to read the next book. It’s so seriously funny at times. I couldn’t put this book down.”

Step 3: Then email me (josephrobertlewis @gmail.com) about your review, and I’ll send you the complete ELF SAGA: DOOMSDAY (all five parts!) for free.

That’s it!

 

New release: ELF SAGA: DOOMSDAY is here!

Friends, readers, and random strangers, my newest book ELF SAGA: DOOMSDAY is here! I’ve been working on this book for a long time and I’m thrilled to be sharing it with you today. What’s it about?

Five badass elves are going to save the world. These heroines were inspired by historical queens and warriors from France, Nigeria, India, Japan, and the Apache. This book is weird and funny and sexy, with wall-to-wall action set all over the world. Check it out:


A dragon apocalypse is about to destroy the world, but five elven women are going to stop it. Probably.

Explore an epic fantasy world that’s as classic as it is bizarre with JENAVELLE, a knight who’s sick and tired of fantasy tropes, AMINA, a bloodthirsty pirate who loves flowers and bunnies, NIYA, a hard-drinking mercenary who really (really) hates faeries, TOMOE, a shaman who is coping well with her recent resurrection, and LOZEN, a hunter whose hobbies include violence, sex, food, leather, and more violence.

Together they travel the world to slay monsters, save innocents, find unicorns, break witches’ curses, argue with their families, discover the origins of elven life, pick up lovers, end a war, and, oh yes, stop the dragon apocalypse. How hard can it be?

Discover the world of Vaenos, where dragons are weapons of mass destruction, faeries are pests, mermaids are monsters, and everyone has long pointy ears! This modern twist on the epic fantasy mashes up classics like Lord of the Rings with the funny, sexy, self-aware style of Supernatural, Buffy, Archer, and Rat Queens.

Publisher’s Note: This omnibus edition contains all five parts of the Elf Saga: Doomsday story, including Blood of the Dragon, Curse of the Unicorn, Nightmare of the Faerie, Trials of the Kitsune, and Knight of the Jaguar.


Get the ebook on Amazon or the paperback on Amazon.

ELF SAGA is a story told in five parts, and you can get the parts separately on Amazon or Smashwords.

You can also get Part One: Blood of the Dragon, along with several other books, all free when you join my mailing list.

 

Be the first to read ELF SAGA for free!

We are just days away from the big release of ELF SAGA, the funniest all-women, trope-slaying, fourth-wall bending, globe-spanning epic fantasy adventure you could ever ask for. It’s got huge dragons and vicious unicorns, annoying faeries and killer mermaids, and elves, so many elves! French elves, Aztec elves, Nigerian elves, Japanese elves, and more!

And everyone who is on my mailing list will receive Part One: Blood of the Dragon for free on release day!

So hurry up and join my mailing list today! Not only will you get the first part of ELF SAGA when it comes out, but you’ll also get the first ANGELS AND DJINN fantasy novel and the first two books in the AETHERIUM steampunk series. Free!

Sign up now!

 

Who wants to read ELF SAGA: DOOMSDAY?

All right, my close personal friends of Weblandia, you now have a chance to be the first to read my new book, a very exciting, very funny, slightly corny, epic fantasy adventure novel about five elf women on a quest to save their world from witches, mermaids, and dragons.

Here’s the blurb:

ELF SAGA: DOOMSDAY

Every hundred years a fresh horde of vicious dragons is unleashed upon the elven world of Vaenos, but this time five intrepid women are going to stop it. Or at least, they’re going to try really hard to.

Recruited by the mysterious hunter Lozen from a distant land, Jenavelle the proud knight, Amina the cheery pirate, Niya the hard-drinking mercenary, and Tomoe the gentle shaman must travel the world to find the lost unicorns, break a few curses, discover the origin of elven life, pick up a couple lovers, and, oh yes, stop the dragon apocalypse. How hard can that be?

Fortunately, they have a skilled cook and they find a miraculous crystal ship, so they can eat like queens as they fly around the world, slaying monstrous dragons, cruel witches, and killer mermaids, when they’re not confronting their families, running from their pasts, and wrestling with their own inner demons.

Can five women really take on so many villains? Probably. They are heroes, after all!

Discover the world of Vaenos, where dragons are weapons of mass destruction, faeries are annoying pests, mermaids are hideous monsters, and everyone has long pointy ears!

And here’s how it starts:

EPISODE 1

“We only want your gold,” yells one of the taller bandits. I count thirteen of them, all fairly young and angry-looking, all with old rusted swords and scraggly attempts at beards. They’re completely blocking the end of the bridge, but I’m in no mood to turn back and find another way around this river, so here we are. He calls out again, “We don’t want to kill you.”

“You don’t want to kill us? Wow, you guys really suck at making threats,” chuckles the woman on my right. “You should try something like, we’re going to shoot every one of you, and then take all your purses while you lie bleeding and whining in the mud.”

“Ease it back, Lozen,” I mutter. “Remember, we’re the good guys.”

Dark clouds rumble overhead as the first light hints of the coming rain start to fall on the dusty hills and the filthy river running beneath us. The thin gray haze of ash that hangs in the air smells more earthy today, and less flinty. But it’s still been more than three days since I’ve seen a faerie out here. Not a good sign.

“Drop your weapons and give us your money!” the red-faced bandit shouts.

“Drop your pants and give us a show!” Lozen laughs and waves at them.

On my left, Amina laughs too, and then quickly hides her mouth with her hand as she gives me a guilty look.

“Lozen, please.” I exhale slowly as I massage my eyelids, trying to keep from raising my voice. “You’re not helping.”

Behind us, Niya mutters, “You seriously expected Lozen to help? Have you met her?”

“Unfortunately.” I step out in front of my companions and study the bandits blocking the west end of the bridge. They all have a light speckling of red around their tall ears, the sides of their faces, and the backs of their hands. Dragon scales.

Drogori outlaws.

I grimace and call out, “I am Syra Jenavelle Rolantir, gray knight in service of Her Majesty Donatella Ganelon, Queen of Gallia. And I am ordering you to step aside and let us pass.”

The dirty men with the rusty swords glare at me. “This isn’t Gallia, girl.”

“No, it isn’t.” I sigh. “Gallia enjoys a much better class of criminals.”

“It’s true.” Amina nods. “The thieves in Gallia are just the most charming people ever. Very gallant. And so funny! They can just charm the purse off you… and the pants off you.” She grins. “You know, if you were wearing pants to begin with.”

“Last chance!” the Drogori bandit growls. “Your money or your lives!”

“We don’t have time for this,” I say, mostly to myself. “Wolfram, step back, please.”

The huge blonde slab of muscle who carries our food and bedding takes several steps back as we raise our bows. I call out one last time, “Walk away now or we start shooting.”

“Get them!” The bandits charge.

CONTINUED IN ELF SAGA: DOOMSDAY

Want to read it all?

Send me an email at josephrobertlewis @ gmail.com

Tell me that you are volunteering to read ELF SAGA, and that you’ll finish the whole thing by Friday, December 5 (that’s only 2 weeks from now!).

What do you have to do?

Just read it and let me know whether you like it or not. If you like it, great! I’ll probably ask you to post a glowing review when it goes on sale. If you don’t like it, let me know what you didn’t like so maybe I can fix it before it goes on sale.

That’s it.

Have a great weekend!

ELF SAGA: Welcome to Vaenos

As recently announced, my upcoming book ELF SAGA will be an exciting, funny, sexy, and weird adventure featuring a diverse cast of elvish women out to save the world. Future posts will feature each of those women, but first, what is this world they’re trying to save?

It’s called Vaenos (because that’s what I called it).

Vaenos is a fantasy version of Earth, only smaller. I wanted the world of the elves to feel similar to our own world in many respects, including climates, governments, cultures, wildlife, and cuisine. So to do that, I just took our world and simplified it.

Elven countries

I decided I wanted 21 countries (instead of 200-ish), so I looked up the most populous countries on Earth (at the time) and then basically turned them into elvish kingdoms. I also sliced and diced the continents just a bit, for fun.

(For the sake of this post, and to preserve a bit of mystery, I’ll use the “Earth” names for these countries instead of their “Vaenos” names.)

The five continents of Vaenos:

  • North Asia – China, Russia, Germany, and France.
  • South Asia – India, Pakistan, Iran, and Turkey.
  • Africa – Nigeria, Egypt, Ethiopia, and Congo.
  • America – the United States, Mexico, and Brazil.
  • The Pacific – Indonesia, Bangladesh, Japan, the Philippines, Vietnam, and Thailand.

Then I drew a map of this world and apportioned land mass according to population. This means China and India are massive, while Russia and Brazil are much, much smaller.

So the major superpowers on Vaenos are China and India, which are locked in a decades-long war using dragons as aircraft and weapons of mass destruction, naturally.

Elven societies

Which brings us to our magical societies, or cults. In a world of dragons, unicorns, and faeries, of course there would be cults who protect and obsess about these creatures! The three major cults are:

The Drogori – the largest and most powerful cult is obsessed with dragons. Individuals go through a coming-of-age ritual of drinking wine mixed with the ground bones of dead dragons, which grants the individual a shred of dragon spirit. This dragon spirit accumulates over the generations, so a tenth-generation Drogori has considerable ability to find and control dragons, as well as having dragon scales on their bodies, making them impervious to fire, and enormous curling horns on their head to announce their bloodlines.

The Alcani – the second-largest cult are the unicorn riders. These warriors are protectors of the land, magically shielding the forests below from the fire-belching monsters in the sky. The Alcani themselves are imbued with this protective magic using ancient artifacts, which not only give them shielding magic but also cover their skin in beautiful golden tattoos and a small golden horn on their foreheads.

The Feyeri – the smallest and least-well-known cult are the healers who commune with the tiny green, winged creatures that dwell everywhere in the world. To become a Feyeri, an individual must sing a secret song to the faeries, which summons them in great numbers to transform the person. The new Feyeri emerges with green hair interspersed with vines, leaves, and flowers, and now has the ability to command the faeries to heal the injured, create new plants, and even to raise the dead.

Other strange powers fill the lands, including the dream-walkers of Ulujuta and the fox-shamans of Shihoku, and still others even more bizarre…

The good news is that ELF SAGA explores a lot of this world, with stops on every continent, but our heroines only set foot in about 8 of the 21 countries. Hopefully that leaves a little room for a sequel?

SPX 2014 report: I love artists!

The Maryland area is home to many cool events, including musical festivals, pow-wows, fairs, food festivals, jousting (and other sports), and lots of cons. My favorite con (more precisely, the only one I go to) is the Small Press Expo.

I spent about five hours at SPX 2014 this weekend and I wanted to jot down a few notes about my awesome time.

First off, I met the completely amazing Emily Carroll.

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Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my copy of her new book Through the Woods, so she signed another of her art books for me, and we chatted about publishing online versus in print.

I met the charming Eleanor Davis and got a signed copy of her beautiful new book, How to be Happy.

I met the very awesome Molly Ostertag of Strong Female Protagonist fame and saw a copy of the new print edition of SFP, and snagged a copy of her earlier work Bacchanalia.

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If you’re not reading SFP, start now. Right now.

I met Katie O’Neill and got a print copy of Princess, Princess, which is adorable.

I met the fantastic Sophie Goldstein and Jenn Jordan, and picked up print copies of House of Women and Darwin Carmichael is Going to Hell. They were wonderful company and I wanted to hang out with them all day talking about Dune and weird movies from the 1980s.

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I met Thomas Siddell of Gunnerkrigg Court, and got a print of Coyote.

I met Ben Fleuter of the very beautiful and cool comic Derelict.

I re-met Evan Dahm of Vattu, Rice Boy, and many other beautiful and surreal stories, and I got a print of his new, well, print.

I met Jon Rosenberg of Tales from a Multiverse while wearing one of his t-shirts, and got a print from him too. And I also met Sarah Dill, of Distillum, and Shoona Browning, of Ellie of the Stars, and artist Natasha Tara Petrovic, and last but not least, I met Jeremy Whitley of Princeless, which I picked up for my daughters.

So thank you to all the wonderful people at SPX! Can’t wait to see you next year with all your new books and artwork!